It's been some time since the last man blog. This is probably a good thing for most of you. But it is time to speak my mind with all the craziness going on in the world with elections, tanking economies, and holiday planning. That's why I've chosen to write about cereal.
Who doesn't love cereal? It's one of the best foods ever invented. You can eat it for any meal, and it's loved by people of all ages.
The other day I was trying to decide upon my favorite cereal. You might think that's an easy question to answer, but it's not since each cereal brings so much uniqueness to the breakfast table. So I've broken them down into various categories and have analyzed them by the following characteristics: taste, marketing appeal, texture, nutritional value, and overall coolness. Yes, I'm a nerd. Embrace that fact up front and you will be better prepared to enjoy this man blog entry.
Classics
We start with the classics because, well . . . they are classics.
KIX - I like the little balls and how they crunch in your mouth. But they don't hold sugar well when poured on. That's a major downfall.
FROSTED FLAKES - Some may argue that Frosted Flakes belongs in the sugar delight category (see below), but this is my list, so I can do what I want. Tony the Tiger is hands down the coolest cereal mascot. He would make a "GRRREAT" University mascot.
LIFE - "Mikey likes it." What a great commercial. They just don't make those type of genuinely happy and totally cheezy commercials anymore. Timmy likes it as well.
CHEERIOS - Gets religious points for being so popular with kids at church. I personally don't like them, but they are healthy and kids love them for some reason. Why? Do they have some addictive chemical in them? Even Tommy eats Cheerios.
Healthy
CHEX - Corn and Rice Chex are the best in the Chex family. But they've confused me with all their different kinds of Chex. Do we really need this many Chex choices? Who really likes Bran Chex? If they decide to add yet another brand to the family, I'm campaigning for BBQ Chex . . . that would be awesome. My brother-in-law, Todd, would buy them for sure.
RAISIN BRAN - Clearly the best healthy cereal. But don't make the mistake of buying just any Raisin Bran. Post Raisin Bran is horrible. You need to go with Kellogs.
WHEATIES - The breakfast cereal of champions is like the network channel that was invaded by cable TV. At one point it was top dog, but it got complacent and let the competition pass it by. But if I'm picking a cereal that could make a huge comeback, it would be Wheaties.
Sugar Delights
LUCKY CHARMS - The leprechaun is fantastic, but really, I'm not a huge fan of Lucky Charms, which I know will offend some of you. I just can't get behind the marshmallows. I think marshmallows are kind of gross. What are marshmallows made of anyway?
TRIX - People wear shirts that say, "Trix Are For Kids." If you have shirts made after you, then you know you have arrived as a cereal.
CAPTAIN CRUNCH - Tastes good, but not worth the pain. The captain will destroy the roof of your mouth as you crunch.
FRUIT LOOPS - Love them, and I really like having the bird as a mascot. Generally, birds don't sell product well, but Toucan Sam has done a tremendous job working me over.
Ridiculous Attempt to Become A Cereal
COOKIE CRISP - Really? This is a cereal? Someone decides to put cookies in a cereal box and then it becomes a cereal? If I put Milk Duds or Dots into a cereal box and pour milk on it, does it all of a sudden become cereal? Nice try Cookie Crisp, but we see right through your feeble attempt to confuse the cereal consumer.
GENERICS - I know grocery expenses are rising, but please look for other places to cut your expenses. Don't buy generics to save money only to lose your soul in the process. If you plan to argue that generics are as good as brand cereal, I will consider deleting your comment.
Chocolate
COCOA PUFFS - Solid cereal, but nothing like the line below . . .
COCOA RICE KRISPIES - Rarely does the sequel surpass the original, but such is the case with Cocoa Rice Krispies -- so much so that I'm not even mentioning Rice Krispies. Part of the reason is because Rice Krispies treats have overtaken the cereal itself. Snap, Crackle, and Pop have gotten too big for their britches. Plus, the whole marshmallow thing surfaces again. But the Cocoa Krispies crew is a different Snap, Crackle, and Pop, and they produce the best tasting cereal on the entire planet.
Special Category
VARIETY PACK - I love the variety boxes. There isn't nearly enough cereal in one of those little boxes, but just the fact that I have so many choices gives it major bonus points.
I'm sure I've left a few great ones off the list, so go ahead and make your case to the Cereal Committee of One.
17 comments:
Derek and I love how much time and thought you put into this "man blog". We have to disagree on the generic comments though. We both like Marshmallow Maties and the generic cinnamon toast crunch better than the originals.
Ok. Please don't delete my comment for this but yes we do like the generic. Not prefered, but enjoyed. WITH the exception of Cheerios. Toasty O's just doesn't cut it. And it also depends on which store you are shopping at. Fry's (Kroger) is about the only store brand that I will settle for.
I will add in a favorite with our family, the Granola with almonds. Quaker is the best, but the Kroger brand suits it just fine at about 1/2 the price.
Such a great well-thought-out post!
These two comments are putting me in an awkward position...particularly the Kearls. Not only are you promoting generic cereals, you are promoting generic marshmallow cereals. That's a double wammy.
But if I delete your two comments, then I have zero comments and Melinda's posting about the kids playing Monopoly in the morning will have more interest than my cereal post.
Although, I must say that Marshmallow Maties is an awesome name. I'm considering making an exception because of the name alone.
Tim
How dare you trash on lucky charms!! I'd be careful if I were you, Lucky is a sneaky little bugger. And wow would you really hate the Lucky Charms treats I make (imagine rice krispie treats made of LC's!).
And seriously, who eats Raisin Bran that is under the age of 50?
And I see one major oversight by the committee...Frosted Mini Wheats. They are like the reverse mullet - party in the front business in the back. And who doesn't want that little mini-wheat guy to come to school in their backpack?!
A Man after my own heart.
I may make two additions:
Raisin bran = poop, but raisin bran crunch = awesome. It's loaded with sugar, but you have no guilt, because it's got raisins AND bran. Can't go wrong.
Apple Jacks. A box of this lasts approximately 1/2 day in our house, due largely, ok entirely to me.
I'm loving the reverse mullet analogy. And Frosted Mini Wheats are enjoyed in our home. Cereal Committee of One, please address this oversight.
All I can say is that you and Melinda are perfect for each other. She used to eat cereal for every meal when she was younger. But we never had that many options in our house, I hope you've broadened her horizons.
Wow, Lizzy you have really improved this blog. Frosted Mini-Wheats as the reverse mullet could become the best marketing slogan ever.
Can you imagine if they did an advertising campaign showing people eating the cereal with their mullets?
But thinking of eating Lucky Charms bonded with marshmallows is physically making me sick. That is so many marshmallows, I can't even fathom the taste.
Tim
I have to say that I'm a big fan of the "man blog". I could barely get through it I was laughing so hard. Who knew there was so much to say about cereal.
Made my day.
Your cousin-in-law
Kiersti
Thank you for the shout-out. I love cereal too, so it must run in the family.
AND I completely forgot to tell you that there is a restaurant called "Cereality" and they only serve cereal. Awesome right? You can get like 8 kinds of milk and they will even mix your cereals together for you if you want. I'm pretty sure there is one here, I think in Tempe. Maybe we can go on a brother/sister date there. It's Awesome. Bet you'd never guess where I heard about that....That's right the Food Network. Because it is the best channel ever.
Oh, and don't let them mix your cereals together because that is morally wrong. But it is an option if you are one of "those" people.
T, you forgot one of the greatest cerals of all time, Golden Grahams. Not only is a fantastic ceral, it doubles as the foundation ingredant for indoor smores. Indoor smores are the heroin of ceral snacks. Rice Krispie squares are simply a gateway snack.
Also you underestimated how great lucky charms are. If you eat all the oats and save the marshmallows you have a tremendous sugary snack at the end of the bowl.
Stephanie, I too remember Melinda's love affair with the cereal. Mom would spend the afternoon making a nice casserole for the family and at dinnertime here comes Melinda with a bowl and a box of Chex, or whatever cereal she was into at the time. Tim and Melinda, you two were made for each other
-Dallin
Don't worry Dallin and Steph, I'm getting my payback. Tommy now does the same thing to me. Half of the time his dinner is a bowl of Cheerios with honey. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Yes, I do remember Melly as a cereal girl. Perhaps Dallin's "two breakfasts a day" song originated with Melinda's love affair with cereal, although I did hear it used on the boys many times as they chomped on cereal after the dinner they were "too full" for was cleared away. But, I must admit, I too have enjoyed cereal for dinner. And I love sugar on top too! Almost all Chex taste good with sugar! Thanks for another man blog. The diversity is appreciated
I'm not the biggest cereal fan, but I do however enjoy the crunchy yet sweet goodness of frosted shredded mini wheats. I think I will enjoy them more now that I've heard the mullet analogy. I am disappointed that it was not included in the post. It's a good thing that Lizzie noted that oversight. Tim, you should get Melinda to sing the "two breakfasts a day" song for you. I remember hearing it many times as Melinda would dine on a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and then lunch, and sometimes dinner.
Tim, Tim, Tim
I loved the post. In fact I was so excited to read the categorized list, I began salivating all over my computer. I share in the admiration of cereal, and yet, my heart was full of disappointment. The ultimate of sugared grains, Frosted Mini Wheats, was nowhere to be mentioned. How could you ever pour milk on another bowl? I am a little disgusted about that!
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