It's been some time since the last man blog. This is probably a good thing for most of you. But it is time to speak my mind with all the craziness going on in the world with elections, tanking economies, and holiday planning. That's why I've chosen to write about cereal.
Who doesn't love cereal? It's one of the best foods ever invented. You can eat it for any meal, and it's loved by people of all ages.
The other day I was trying to decide upon my favorite cereal. You might think that's an easy question to answer, but it's not since each cereal brings so much uniqueness to the breakfast table. So I've broken them down into various categories and have analyzed them by the following characteristics: taste, marketing appeal, texture, nutritional value, and overall coolness. Yes, I'm a nerd. Embrace that fact up front and you will be better prepared to enjoy this man blog entry.
Classics
We start with the classics because, well . . . they are classics.
KIX - I like the little balls and how they crunch in your mouth. But they don't hold sugar well when poured on. That's a major downfall.
FROSTED FLAKES - Some may argue that Frosted Flakes belongs in the sugar delight category (see below), but this is my list, so I can do what I want. Tony the Tiger is hands down the coolest cereal mascot. He would make a "GRRREAT" University mascot.
LIFE - "Mikey likes it." What a great commercial. They just don't make those type of genuinely happy and totally cheezy commercials anymore. Timmy likes it as well.
CHEERIOS - Gets religious points for being so popular with kids at church. I personally don't like them, but they are healthy and kids love them for some reason. Why? Do they have some addictive chemical in them? Even Tommy eats Cheerios.
Healthy
CHEX - Corn and Rice Chex are the best in the Chex family. But they've confused me with all their different kinds of Chex. Do we really need this many Chex choices? Who really likes Bran Chex? If they decide to add yet another brand to the family, I'm campaigning for BBQ Chex . . . that would be awesome. My brother-in-law, Todd, would buy them for sure.
RAISIN BRAN - Clearly the best healthy cereal. But don't make the mistake of buying just any Raisin Bran. Post Raisin Bran is horrible. You need to go with Kellogs.
WHEATIES - The breakfast cereal of champions is like the network channel that was invaded by cable TV. At one point it was top dog, but it got complacent and let the competition pass it by. But if I'm picking a cereal that could make a huge comeback, it would be Wheaties.
Sugar Delights
LUCKY CHARMS - The leprechaun is fantastic, but really, I'm not a huge fan of Lucky Charms, which I know will offend some of you. I just can't get behind the marshmallows. I think marshmallows are kind of gross. What are marshmallows made of anyway?
TRIX - People wear shirts that say, "Trix Are For Kids." If you have shirts made after you, then you know you have arrived as a cereal.
CAPTAIN CRUNCH - Tastes good, but not worth the pain. The captain will destroy the roof of your mouth as you crunch.
FRUIT LOOPS - Love them, and I really like having the bird as a mascot. Generally, birds don't sell product well, but Toucan Sam has done a tremendous job working me over.
Ridiculous Attempt to Become A Cereal
COOKIE CRISP - Really? This is a cereal? Someone decides to put cookies in a cereal box and then it becomes a cereal? If I put Milk Duds or Dots into a cereal box and pour milk on it, does it all of a sudden become cereal? Nice try Cookie Crisp, but we see right through your feeble attempt to confuse the cereal consumer.
GENERICS - I know grocery expenses are rising, but please look for other places to cut your expenses. Don't buy generics to save money only to lose your soul in the process. If you plan to argue that generics are as good as brand cereal, I will consider deleting your comment.
Chocolate
COCOA PUFFS - Solid cereal, but nothing like the line below . . .
COCOA RICE KRISPIES - Rarely does the sequel surpass the original, but such is the case with Cocoa Rice Krispies -- so much so that I'm not even mentioning Rice Krispies. Part of the reason is because Rice Krispies treats have overtaken the cereal itself. Snap, Crackle, and Pop have gotten too big for their britches. Plus, the whole marshmallow thing surfaces again. But the Cocoa Krispies crew is a different Snap, Crackle, and Pop, and they produce the best tasting cereal on the entire planet.
Special Category
VARIETY PACK - I love the variety boxes. There isn't nearly enough cereal in one of those little boxes, but just the fact that I have so many choices gives it major bonus points.
I'm sure I've left a few great ones off the list, so go ahead and make your case to the Cereal Committee of One.
